Top 10 Worst Disney Channel Shows

(Edit: I'm happy to report that EVERY show on this list was either concluded or cancelled! What did I think of the finales? Hannah Montana's we kinda already know how THAT fiasco turned out, same with JONAS, Liv & Maddie is on fumes at this point, So Random and ANT Farm were dead long after I made this list, DwaB had an okay finale, even if it went on forever and then you just feel like going "Wait, that's it?", Jessie had a lame ending (but leads into Bunk'd which is reprehensible in its own ways), A&A's finale sucked, and I can only assume I Didn't do it bit the dust since they only seem to air it around 11 at night or later)

Boy was THIS a long time coming! I've been wanting to tear apart Disney Channel's tween shitcoms for YEARS and, because I unfortunately lack the programs/camera and sound stuff for an actual review series, I'll just have to settle for this. Keep in mind, some of these were moved around from my initial list (Liv and Maddie was original going to be #2 and Dog with a Blog would've been around #3) and as unlikely as most of these are, my opinion might change at some point...probably not though. Without further delay, this is my Top 10 Worst Disney Channel Shows (live-Action only).

#10) Hannah Montana- okay, in all seriousness, I don't really HATE this show (in fact, some episodes are downright HILARIOUS in hindsight) but it is unforgivable how THIS SERIES became the template for all other shows on this list and I FUCKING! HATE! IT! For that. The music is listenable, some of the jokes are kinda funny, and the characters are...tolerable. It's not as bad as the stuff Nickelodeon comes out with, but it's still not very good.

#9) Jonas- the Jonas Brothers just weren't very good; the only good things to come out of them are Camp Rock and a really funny episode of South Park. This is just pandering, lazy, and desperately trying to wring the last drops of popularity out of a bunch of douchey, frat boy losers whose fifteen minutes of fame lasted two years too long. Anyone who says Fall Out Boy are a bunch of douchebag, whiny pissants can officially shut the fuck up because Fall Out Boy is awesome and I will fight you if you say otherwise.

#8) Liv and Maddie- like I said, originally this was, like, #2; it's annoying, the cutaways to other characters are irritating and Maddie's whole "Bam! What?" thing stopped being funny after three episodes, likewise for Liv's "Sing it LOUD!" thing. This show has grown on me...like a malignant tumor, so I guess you can say I've learned to live with it.

#7) So Random!- This was dead on arrival: A) spin-offs never work, B) making a show within a show into its own show is a terrible idea, C) So Random was NOT what people watched Sonny With a Chance for, D) NONE OF THESE SKETCHES ARE FUNNY!!! I'm serious, it's like they just made Diet SNL but comprised entirely of the leftover ideas too dumb or unfunny to make into sketches. There are only two things that are a saving grace about this series. The first is the Rufus sketches, which are really funny and the only reason to watch this series, and the second is at least it's not Incredible Crew; that's another story, though. Next number.

#6) A.N.T. Farm- Gibson was the only funny part of this entire series, and once he left that was it; end of story. Okay, it's not necessarily the end; the jokes aren't funny, we've seen these characters a million times (some of them done BETTER in other Disney shows) and their story arcs aren't compelling, and if you couldn't make me care about Paisley's dumb blonde stuff, Ms. Briggs from iCarly being old and grouchy, Lexi being a bitch, or...whatever China's brother's name was being an idiot, clearly it's not going to be very funny the seven-hundredth time.

#5) Good Luck Charlie- There's nothing I have to say about this one. It's boring, the gimmick is lame, the jokes fall flat, and most of the characters are just, not cliche or stock, basic: these aren't characters, they're the most basic of basic of basic tropes. It's basically Full House but even more dated and less funny. All it's missing is Uncle Jesse and Dave Coulier, a man so unfunny that even Jamie Kennedy is booing him off stage. This is the worst kind of bad, folks; it's not bad in any kid of special or interesting way, it's just a blander shade of boring and stupid. Thank God it's gone and gone for good!

#4) Dog With a Blog- Originally, I was willing to call this the WORST show ever made, but it's gotten a lot better...or maybe I've just gone a bit more numb. First off, making someone as hilarious as Stephen Full from I'm in the Band and dragging him through this is a war crime; shame on you! Second, the jokes are not funny and the stories feel very tedious and even hamfisted and anvilious at times. I understand keeping the whole talking dog thing a secret from everyone else, but I kinda doubt their PARENTS would just say "Oh, well here you go, Government; go ahead and do as many horrible and painful experiments on him as you want." This isn't fucking E.T. we're talking here. The absolute bottom was probably the alternate universe episode; not only, once again, do cats get shafted (as a dog, Stan brought the family together, but as a cat the family is in shambles--bite me!) but the lapses in logic are ludicrous. Avery somehow starts looking like Ramona Flowers from Scott Pilgrim and yet acts like she's on meth, Chloe retreats into her head Suckerpunch-style (though without the awesome schoolgirls with katanas beating up thirty-foot tall samurai) and Bennet joins the Washington Generals, though it is funny to see him constantly harassed by the Harlem Globetrotters.

#3) Jessie- FUCK! THIS! SHOW! (Update: I figure that I should've done this a long time ago, like a long, long LOOOONNNNGGGG time ago, but here we go. Jessie is literally The Nanny. No, that doesn't quite cover it. Jessie is The Nanny...if everything funny about the Nanny was thrown into a meat grinder and pushed off a cliff! Emma is just Maggie as a vapid, annoying valley girl who's only claim to restraint is not ending every sentence with a hashtag, Zuri is Grace but black--that's her whole character, she's the "cute one" and spouts funny black stereotypes that stopped being funny about 2 years before the Nanny concluded, Luke is Brighton but annoying, unfunny, and an idiot, and Ravi...is Indian. Like Zuri, that's his ENTIRE personality and character; He's from India and...that's it. Hell, it's just about impossible to see Bertrand as nothing but "Fat Niles" except Niles was hilarious and awesome and catty and fun and this character...is just hairy and fat. That's it. I'd say Jessie is the only saving grace but she's really just along for the ride most of the time. In retrospect, I probably would've put this list closer to #7 or #8 if I were to remake this list today and Austin & Ally would be replaced by Bizaardvark--just for the human fecal stain/C-List internet nobody/all-around disgusting human being Jake Paul [seriously, look this guy up, he's like if Sam Pepper, LifeInATent, and Miley Cyrus had their DNA mixed together in a vat of toxic sludge and Axe body spray]--but this series ultimately just lasted about a thousand hours longer than it had the right to)

#2) Austin & Ally- Jesus H. Christ and the Heavens above! WHY THE HELL IS THIS SHOW STILL RUNNING?!?!?!?! The show is one of the absolute worst! The characters are either boring and lame, or skin-shearingly annoying like Dez (the only exception is Trish, who's actually trying to be funny), the songs are generic (except the occasional track by Austin but those are few and far between), and the whole Austin/Ally get together/break up/ make up/ break up again horseshit wasn't compelling in Friends when Ross and Rachel kept breaking up only get back together and so on didn't work so this sure as hell isn't going to work here! Either keep them together or wait till the end, simple! None of the jokes are funny and clearly the writers are just spinning their wheels until they can finally mercy kill this shit so the four people left watching will pretend they give a shit.

#1) You knew this was coming: I Didn't do it. Unfortunately, I already said everything I could've said about this trainwreck is in my review of it; clearly, nothing about this show has changed. I could've put Bunk'd on this list if I actually gave enough of a fuck to watch it.